Always unexpected

You know, us humans are really weird.
I’m not sure if we were always like this, but right now it’s all I’m seeing.
Weird in the sense that why are we so afraid to show what we really mean or say? Or embarrassed even?

This is my personal thoughts, so you may oppose and your opinions may differ and if you do have a different opinion then good! Because it means you’re not getting hurt by people who do this to me constantly.

Since i was i dont know how old, these humans i’ve met in my mind have confirmed to me that i shouldnt trust anyone, but i don’t know why i always feel the need to give it one more shot.
Well I’m not fricking bulletproof, those things you do do effect me, the bullet does hit me and i do get hurt.

What I’m talking about is when you befriend someone and you become close to them and sooner or later (and for me its usually sooner) they just leave. 
And you still give, and give and give and give and they just, they just don’t care to put it simply. And because once upon a time that person was actually an important role in your life, you still try and try and try and nothing happens in return.
I’m giving you my all, and even now when I’m halfway across the world, i have your best interest at heart, i still worry about you and nothing. 

Its just really tiring sitting at the end of the table and watching people get up and leave with no warning, no excuse and never come back.
Even the people who didn’t make it easy for me, people who gave me a hard time,when they finally speak to me and act nice, i actually put in an effort into making it work but then again they’re the same.

I’m sick of feeling this way. I have feelings too. And just like you want to be treated fairly with love and compassion and respect, i want that, too.

But I’ve come to the conclusion i won’t find that with anyone here on earth. 
I constantly support and do what i can and they dont do the simplest things, just acknowledge my existence. 
You on your own, sitting in your room by yourself suddenly think of me, and casually out of nowhere ask how i’m doing, that would mean a lot. 
But I’m done expecting, because humans are so….

I just hope no one ever has to feel alone and always on guard and paranoid. 
Spread those smiles around and learn to love and be selfless….

Its tiring to feel this way all the time.